Katie Curtis sings to me from the itunes, a song I collected after it made me feel hopeful one day on my drive across town from dropping off my kids at school to looking after my day care kids at home.

Passing Through, good as Sunday morning church for lifting my spirit, putting things in perspective. Enjoy it where you can find it, you technologically savvy ones:) Here is the youtube version I googled just now, one amongst many (have a little concert in your kitchen like I did. No idea the whole youtube would be played under my words in the blog format, Catie in concert beneath the picture of my boys climbing a tree in my mom’s woods…life is amazing, huh?!):

Sunday morning middle of vacation shouldn’t be thinking bout regulation. But I am. On January 16th, 2010, the new family child care regulations for MA family child care programs go into effect. Many providers and I attended an information session about the changes which was held at Wheelock College on the evening of December 16th. After a full work day, we arrived at 6:30 to a large lecture hall with a presenter and a powerpoint and a pile of packets to learn about all the ways we are meant to comply with the new regulations. It was not pleasant, except in the sharing of horror and doubt and humor amongst the providers. I felt fearful, mistrusted, powerless, insulted, outraged, angry, put down, disrespected, overwhelmed, disappointed, forced again to do things which I don’t believe are in the best in interest of children, families, or providers, many of which are logistically difficult or impossible, some which seem unnecessary, some which seem hurtful, others which seem to impinge upon essential freedoms and ways of being in the world.

Sadly, I wake up now each day since Christmas with small worries about work, filling out the audit forms from the Workers Compensation Insurer, sifting through the toys, books, equipment, and supplies that have accumulated in the day care, house, and basement, repairing and maintaining the house and day care, updating Food Program records, completing Food Program training, communicating with current and prospective families about plans for next year, and now, figuring out how to comply with all the new regulations requiring new training, procedures, documentation, supervision, record keeping. Today would be a fine day for attending to these things. Yesterday I had hoped to get going, but never did, son’s birthday, holiday recovery, rest, a bit of reading and writing took over my first day of vacation after Christmas agenda. Today, wish me luck, or next weekend. Hate the thought of it, but for this year at least, must bite the bullet and face the reality of my vacation/regulation duality. What a Sunday morning musing. Sorry.

Quiet, quiet day in the house, room for Arrested Development, dancing, Billy Bragg, rolicking, omelettes and homemade bread toast with the boy in a quiet house on his quiet birthday, talk about this and that, mind wanders as we cook and talk and tidy, think to my blog here, the one year mark passed, New Year on it’s way, what does it all mean, where am I headed with all this, writing, school, advocacy, teaching, caring, learning, living, all that? Thought to update the Next Steps 2009, which I realize just now as I type, will soon be Next Steps 2010, if there are any, purpose of this blog, making a new and ideal place for children, hard to imagine just now, whether warehouse, big old house, abandoned office building, taking charge of this recession to make my dreams come true, taken a different turn, inside/outside all mixed up in internet world, mind opening and closing and opening again, each day brand new thoughts, new hopes, new dreams, each day grounded in the same old, same old, made new, pictures and words of happy kids the core, the absolute core, biggest compliment in a long while the visitors that came back to the cay care this week, and the friends who celebrated Solstice and the family who celebrated Christmas and birthday with us, the folks on Facebook who are no longer lost, all those connections, and the quote that sticks is from a young teacher who worked with us out of school, come back for Solstice and then to visit the day care, she said, “When are you going to open your school? I want to do that with you.” or something like that, and when she visited the next day in day care, she said when she walked in the door with us all snowy and hungry and a little wild and cranky at the end of our park walk and the beginning of our changing a million toddlers out of snow suits and messy diapers, “I love it here. Everybody is so happy.” And I was so busy in the kitchen making quesadillas and tomato soup and cutting apples and pouring milk and laying out bowls and spoons and cups and napkins and tending to the little monkeys at my feet that I wasn’t there to hear the words, but my ever present teaching partner was there and told me later, knowing I needed to hear, and I did. No compliment to me greater than happy kids and adults in my house and day care living life and enjoying themselves and one another, ideally fully present to the moment.

And I think this am, what do I do with that? So many phone calls and e-mails from so many good people wishing for this good life for their little babies and children, only one space for day care next fall, not sure how many after school spots, wish to take more kids and families, siblings, friends, friends of friends, newcomers, want to encourage this kind of culture for kids and families, want it to grow and spread and for now all I can do is take pictures and write about it and make it happen every single day, no way for me to see forward to making it bigger and just as good, just plain and simple don’t know how to do that, don’t know how the pictures and words will help, only going on blind faith, hope for now, hope lost and found in the words and pictures carrying me to the next stage of life, work, living, learning, no blessed idea what next, other than more of the same and something new.

Odd to me to combine intense holiday time in real life with time in the online world of Facebook and blogging, wondering in my free minutes how this is all going to work, in person relationships, online “social networking”, where is it all headed, who is involved, how much, what does it mean for children’s play, teens’ burgeoning sense of self, adults’ connections to past and present and future? Strange, strange combination of connecting with old friends, opening up your world to strangers, learning private things about people in a space that is both intensely public (anyone, anywhere can read/see) and intensely private (each individual can read/write anything whenever, wherever, with very little effort), putting stuff out there and never taking it back, wondering how long it will all live, what next, what next, what next? How on earth does this all play out, compete, intersect with the offline lives we all live, real school, house chores, work, play? Does it make us better or worse, at life, at love, at communication, at trust, at knowing ourselves and others? How do we get hooked in, which of us is vulnerable, which enriched, which debased, which broadened, which narrowed? Fascinating. I spent too much time last night and this morning online, made me wonder why I wasted so much time, then realized I was learning all the while, and this kind of learning takes time, still following this year’s mantra on some level, follow your heart, do what feels right, hard to trust that instinct, but it does feel like the online world is one worth understanding, very new to me, fascinating to me as to my kids, who I wish to understand, and to the future, where I will live, to my ideas about how we all live and learn together.

And then on the other end I am missing my daughter, at nine last night too young for Facebook, blogging, e-mailing just barely beginning, still living in her world of books and toys and imagination, would like to have her here talking with me on Saturday morning, showing me her doll’s new hair do, changing the doll’s clothes, telling me about her favorite things, bugging me while I try to type. She is off for a few days with her grandma and aunt and uncle and cousins, by surprise, and the house is terribly quiet, boys and I likely to do as much online connecting with people outside the house as talking and playing together, unless we discipline ourselves, which we may do, but that online world is fascinating, and we are each compelled to learn and try it out, sometimes leading to real life connections, other times deepening our thoughts and feelings, other times blowing hours, hard to know for me right now what it is all about, jumped in the pool, no hopping out right now, not expecting to drown, not quite sure how well I/we can swim, how deep the water, what else we are foregoing for time in the water…always learning, trying to see the online world as one more way, another challenge/fascination of the last year.

Reindeer ate their carrots, drank their water. Santa wrote back, ate all three cookies, left goods. Lots of chocolate before and during breakfast, plus yogurt and syrup from Ashfield. Paper recycled, packaging collected, gifts pleased. Dinner later, roast beast, roast veg, potato, green salad, homemade applesauce and rolls, vino, cousins, aunt, uncle, grandma, noise, more paper, packaging, gifts, sweets, snow if there is time for sledding or snowballs.

Merry, Merry, Peace, Joy, then Birthday for Girl this evening, Birthday for Boy manana, then vacation, vacation, vacation, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, country, sledding, x-country skiing, wiiing, friends, family, outdoors, indoors, catch-up on lots of levels, reading, movies, walks, shops, peace?

No Christmas or Holiday cards sent yet, still working on that. To all of you, Happy Holidays, Peace in the New Year, Love All Year Round.

Kids in the kitchen last night, and Grandma, travelled all day from Western, NY, with anise and a recipe card for her mother’s Christmas cookies. After the boy helped carry in her bags, the girl helped unload the packages, we all ate dinner of leftover chili with brown rice, we got busy in the kitchen. Boys have been wanting to make peppermint bark, I had learned to make chocolate bark from a friend who made some for her party earlier this fall, and I had experimented with cranberry walnut, walnut, and cherry almond bark, some given for holiday gifts for teachers yesterday, others shared with friends, and so we combined our fantasy and reality, made peppermint bark and cookie dough, happiness in the kitchen.

Here is how you do it, if you are interested in learning, too:

Chocolate bark -

Melt chocolate in a glass bowl in the microwave. I bought good chocolate in bulk from Whole Foods on sale. You might also use chocolate chips. I started with a minute or two for half a pound to a pound of chocolate, stirred, added minutes until chocolate was smooth and lump free. Kids can and will love to do this, teens, too! Good practice experimenting and thinking for yourself to do this recipe, as it really is something you can figure out without messing up too much.

While the chocolate is melting, chop nuts and/or dried fruit. Any combination would work. I used unsalted walnuts and dried sweetened cranberries, dried cherries and slivered almonds, all from the Whole Foods bulk department. I wanted to try peanuts or whole almonds or cashews. My friend advised me on salted or not, saying Trader Joe’s carries nuts with half the salt and they are just right. Next time.

To make peppermint bark, crush peppermint candies. We used the discs. Unwrapping them was fun. Crushing was challenging. We tried putting them in a sturdy paper bag and whacking them with a rolling pin. They escaped. We put the paper bag inside a plastic bag, whacked some more. They bag leaked crushed peppermint dust all over the counter. We tried smashing them in a mortar and pestle, a tall one from the latino section of Market Basket. They flew all over the place. We covered them inside the mortar and pestle with sheets of plastic wrap, they escaped. We put them inside a plastic bag in the mortar and pestle. We finished the job, no clear answers for you. Let us know if you figure out the secret. Was fun to take pictures of Ben smashing things and laughing. Camera my secret ingredient, and a broom.

Also while the chocolate is melting, cover a cookie sheet or baking tray with wax paper.

To make fruit and nut bark, we mixed about a cup or less of chopped stuff into a pound or less of melted chocolate. Then we spread the mixture thinly over the wax paper.

To make the peppermint bark, we added one and a half teaspoons of peppermint extract to the melted chocolate, tasting it to make sure it was just right. Yum. Then we spread the chocolate over the tray and sprinkled the crushed (smashed) peppermint candy over the top, then pressed gently with a silicon spatula to make it stick.

Chill the tray in the fridge (atop all the bottles and jars of the top shelf if yours is as stuffed as mine). When the bark is crisp, break it into pieces, eat, gift, share. Yum.

I will add the cookie dough recipe later. It is old fashioned. Things like rounded teaspoons of baking soda and pinches of nutmeg will give it away. It is delicious. It is messy and difficult as all get out to roll. Anise is the secret, and nutmeg. Don’t leave those out if you want to taste my grandma’s cookies. Don’t skimp on the chilling, leave teh dough in the fridge at least over night, and take only a small amount from the fridge at a time to roll, so it stays as cold as possible. Use lots of flour, on your hands, on the rolling surface, on the rolling pin, on the cookie cutters, and use a light touch, don’t press down as you roll, roll lightly over the soft dough so it just spreads out, doesn’t stick to the counter or the rolling pin. I have done this for forty years, first watching, then helping, then on my own, then teaching. Teaching probably taught me the most about what is hard and what needs teaching. I am looking forward to rolling, cutting, and baking the cookies (maybe with the kids, maybe on my own, maybe with Mom’s help) this am so we can let them cool and decorate them with icing and sprinkles this afternoon (definitely with the kids), my girl having spent her evening in the kitchen sorting the decorations by color, rainbow for our holiday celebration defying Christmas, white frosting upholds Grandma Petrie’s tradition. Red hots, too, for spice of life. Cookie cutters from my grandma’s collection, some a wedding present to me, others my mom’s duplicates, others collected new myself or as gifts, more gingerbread people, too, hope there is time, best get moving!

When I was a girl, one birthday I got a CB radio, with fm and am dials. I could listen to the emergency calls and truckers. My shoes one year, light brown leather t-straps, had rubber soles made to look like the CB radio handle. I don’t remember my actual handle, if I even had one, seems the radio was a receiver, not a transmitter, and the shoes, well they were rubber and leather, not electronic at all, but you get the point, CB radios felt when I was ten or so like the cutting edge, hip, or whatever term we used then, cool, groovy? Today I am doing all kinds of chores in preparation for the holidays, and in recovery from a busy year and week, cleaning up the kitchen, sorting and wrapping gifts, a little tiny bit of last minute online shopping, tidying up, window repair guy finishing in the dining room or I would be doing more baking and candy making with the kids, and the whole while I am listening to music I have mostly never heard before, Pandora tuned in to play all kinds of stuff similar in some way to Hot Club of Cowtown, my new favorite band of the day, and yesterday it was all kinds of music similar to Patty Griffin’s Making Pies song, go figure, a whole radio station around a song I heard the first time on my drive to Cape Cod for Thanksgiving that made me smile. And my son is messing around in his room putting album cover art on his itunes songs, when I ask how he tells me you google the song or album and then cut and paste or drag or something the art to the song…and the other two are sitting in front of the tube watching some show, old fashioned style, just turning on the tv, though of course, it is Cable, which we never did have growing up and wouldn’t have now except for the cable modem we wanted for internet access, and last week a man was at the door suggesting we switch plans so we could watch everything we want on demand, and get a whole raft of premium channels, for god’s sake, I don’t even watch tv, only an occasional episode of The Office downloaded, uploaded, whatever, from Netflix, watched on a little laptop screen propped on top of the Wii Fit board on top of a little handmade wooden chest taken from one of my neighbor’s trash when they sold their multigenerational two family house to move to the burbs, making it into two slick condos, that change in the neighborhood felt big, but the hulu, on demand, pandora, itunes, rah-rah, whoo-ha technology into which we have all dived the last year it seems, though we have been in the pool for awhile, internet, e-mail, scanners, cell phones, web sites, lah ti dah, going on awhile, but for some reason seems this year has been a large leap for my generation, for my teens, Facebook, Museblog, itunes, ipod touch, laptops, WordPress taken over our lives in a way that if I stop and think about it must be called revolutionary.

Beats CB radio, that Pandora. Beats the paper bag of cassette tapes from college and early adulthood stashed under one of my bedside tables, hard to let go, or the chest of drawers, also old and dragged from my neighbor’s trash pile on moving day, hand carved leaf handles my magnets, full of VCR tapes and DVDs, haven’t watched one in a very long time, tidying up earlier this week, thought to clear it all out, someday, will do, still have the binder of CD’s in the kitchen, the shelf of cookbooks, the shelves and shelves and shelves of real books, no Kindle in this house yet, wonder how long it will take before our reading is all on the internet, or on a little machine, remembering the record player of my earliest childhood, the small collection of four or five records given to me by older cousins, lifting the needle and placing it carefully on the edge of the record, listening to the record turn along with the music, the cabinet record player in my mom’s bedroom playing John Denver and Johnny Cash albums two of the only ones we had, later Donny Osmond, Grease, Saturday Night Fever, almost no albums or casssettes in my possession all through til college, when friends began introducing me to music by making me tapes of their favorites, mixes, little handmade craft paper inserts with handwritten songs and artists in my friends’ script still there under the bedside lamp, Pandora taken over but not letting go completely of the past in music and movies, though more than with books, which line or are collected in every single room of the house except the tv room or my son’s new bedroom, living on his ipod and laptop, boy of a new era.

Here is the recipe we gave to families in the day care last year, along with a set of people shaped cookie cutters. This year we didn’t give gifts, but thought some families or readers might like to try our recipe. Enjoy. This year we can show you how much fun it is with photos, last year we made paper copies on a printer, this year, we are sharing on a blog. Times change!

Gingerbread People

Every year we make gingerbread people with the day care. The recipe for the dough comes from the 1961 Betty Crocker Cookbook which was in Maria’s kitchen growing up. We love making memories with the kids. Each time Maria cooks with the day care she remembers times she spent working with her family as a child.

When we are very old women we will imagine your grown up children passing on the tradition to the next generation.

Gingerbread People

1/3 cup soft shortening (we use butter)            1 tsp. salt

1 cup brown sugar (packed)                                    1 tsp. allspice

1 ½ cups dark molasses                                    1 tsp. ginger

2/3 cup cold water                                                1 tsp. cloves

7 cups sifted flour                                                1 tsp. cinnamon

2 tsp. soda

Mix shortening (butter), brown sugar, and molasses thoroughly (kids love to use a flour sifter and to measure and mix ingredients). Stir in water. Sift remaining ingredients together and stir in. Chill dough (overnight if possible). Roll ½ inch thick. Cut shapes. With pancake turner, carefully transfer gingerbread people to lightly greased baking sheet. Press raisins into dough for eyes, nose, mouth and shoe and cuff bottoms. Use bits of dried fruit or candy for coat buttons, and clothing, if desired.. Bake at 350 about 15 minutes, or until no imprint remains when touched lightly with finger.  If desired, frost with Easy Creamy Decorating Icing, making outlines for clothing.

Maria’s family tips: Flour all surfaces when rolling and cutting dough. Give kids a little hill of flour and teach them to rub it over their hands, the rolling pin, and the table surface before working. Dip each cutter into the flour before cutting dough. A light touch works best with the dough. Give kids a small ball of dough and keep the rest in the refrigerator until needed. We don’t always frost the cookies, and we only use raisins to decorate them. Kids seem happy with that, though frosting is tasty. This dough is heavy on molasses. For a lighter recipe, try one from your favorite cookbook or website!

Easy Creamy Icing

Blend 1 cup sifted confectioners sugar, ¼ tsp. salt and ½ tsp. vanilla and liquid to make easy to spread (about 1 tbsp. water or 1 ½ tbsp. cream). Tint, if desired, with a few drops of food coloring. Spread on cookies with spatula or pastry brush or use pastry bag.

A note about the cutters: This collection comes with several big and little people, some with dresses, some with pants. We hope you can enjoy making friends and families of all sizes and types, just as we enjoy having such a wide range of families and friends in our day care community. Happy Holidays from Alice, Liana, and Maria!

The snow outside my kitchen window this weekend made me smile.

First day of winter, shortest day of the year, oldest human holiday?  Celebrate with snow, play, cooking, food, friends, family, plants, music, poetry, light, stories, laughter, a little bit of melancholy, moving toward spring one step at a time, winter first.

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